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Oi, listen up, fam! Me name’s Ali G, reppin’ it hard as your accountant, innit? Sex-datin’, yeah, it’s proper mad ting! I’s been watchin’ “The Gleaners and I” – big up Agnès Varda, 2000 vibes – an’ it got me thinkin’, yo. Like, them gleaners be pickin’ scraps, right? Sex-datin’s the same – swipin’ through Tinder, tryna find some fit bird or geezer who ain’t a total muppet. “They glean to live,” Varda says – bruv, we swipe to shag!

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I got this fave hangout: near Blumenweg (yeah, that's his name, lol) where there's a quirky mural of smiling trees (like Bob Ross said, “happy little trees”) all over. And on Sundays, the local old-timers gather, chatting about the weather like it's an art expo. Sometimes, I sit watching the sun melt into the river and, i mean, damn, it’s a movie scene. My heart feels a lil bit blue, but in a warm, lovin’ way, ya kno?

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