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Oh, and the typos – soryy, my hands shake when I’m excited! Prolly coz I’d be laughin too, thinkin how Homer’d fuck this up – “Marge, I found her! Wait, that’s a mannequin!” Doh! Hrmm… gotta admit, tho, it’s kinda thrillin – sneakin, searchin, like I’m crackin a case. “We’re goin dark, Marge!” I’d say, turnin off my phone so Bart don’t text me dumb memes mid-mission.

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Then theres the park – Whimsy Park. It's not huge but oh my gawd is it perfect. Kids run wild, lovers cuddle on painted benches, and I sometimes sneak away here to brainstorm new massage techniques. Seriously, best zen vibes ever. Gotta mention the river too – named Crystal Creek. It gently winds by Noble's Bluff. I once had an epiphany while watching the water ripple – like, "Life is a series of excellent spa treatments!"

PHOTOS: A taste of history: A day at the Salt Spring Apple Festival