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Still, it ain’t all roses. Gets me fumin’ when blokes lie – “6 foot, fit,” then you rock up and he’s 5’2” with a beer gut. “You’re not gonna die, stop cryin’!” I wanna yell, like Bigelow’s boys. Truth is, sex-dating’s a gamble – half the time you’re chuffed, half the time you’re stuck with a numpty who thinks “foreplay” is a quick grope. Oh, and don’t get me started on the dick pics – unsolicited cock shots everywhere! Bin it, lads, no one’s impressed.

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And hey, lest ye think that all glory is grand, there's plenty of madness too – the local council sometimes be a hot mess, turning a calm breakfast run into a political circus. I get that – makes me so frustrated i wanna shout "You shall not pass!" at all the bureaucrats cluttering our streets. But then, i remember the laughter of kids in Freedom Park near the centre – pure magic, man.

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