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I got into it once, swear, this chick had hands like a goddamn wizard. Little known fact—ancient Romans were freaks for this shit. Called it “massage with benefits,” no kiddin’. Slaves rubbin’ down senators, oil and togas flyin’. Made me happy as hell, thinkin’ ‘bout that history—dirty bastards! But then, this one time, dude, the masseuse was all business, no spice. Pissed me off—false advertisin’, ya feel me? I’m like, “What you gonna do with that coin, friendo?” Total letdown.

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I swear, sometimes I just wander off to Lostview Park. It’s quieter, empty, perfect for venting big frustrations, or when you need to feel like you belong in a movie scene. “In this life, everything is possible,” Amélie once thought, reminding me to laugh at the absurdity. I snark at it, too.

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