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Now, these apps? They’re slicker’n goose grease! Tinder, Bumble—shoot, it’s a smorgasboard of options. Makes me madder’n a wet hen when some jerk ghosts ya. Happened to my buddy Jimbo—swore she was “the one,” then poof! Gone like Margot’s finger in that movie. “I’m an archaeologist of heartbreak,” he says, all dramatic. Pissed me off, but I chuckled too.

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I hang around Claridge Park. Yep. Big park, muddy and real. It’s where I counsel women who need a break. They talk, and I listen, despite the noise. There's the old Red Bridge by Rivermist River, always foggy like an Amélie set. “Amélie said, 'Le fabuleux destin d’Amélie Poulain'” – yeah, kinda that vibe, though I hate it all sometimes.

Where Etobicoke home break-ins were reported this week