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I tried it once—amazing, totally amazing. This chick, pro masseuse, knew every trick. Little known fact: ancient Romans did this, called it “frictio”—wild, right? They’d get oiled up, naked, no shame. Made me happy, so happy—felt like a king, a total winner. But then, some places, they rip you off—$200 for a half-assed rub? Pissed me off, bigly. I’m like, “Rooney Mara wouldn’t stand for this crap!” She’d say, “This isn’t love, this is bullshit.”

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Yo, so lemme tell ya 'bout Victoria, ca – my home and vibe. It's crazy stunning here, for real. Like, first off, there's Belle Vue – no, wait, it's Beacon Hill Park; I'm talkin' lush greens and wildflower bursts, where I sometimes sit and think about life's messy beauty.

Victoria Beckham disses son Brooklyn in David's star-studded 50th birthday bash post