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I was shook when I learned—get this—escort’s got history! Back in the day, kings had escorts—horses, guards, flexin’ royalty! Now it’s tires screechin’, engines roarin’—same energy! Slay! Makes me happy, like, damn, we evolved! But ugh, what pisses me off? Folks sleepin’ on it! They’re like, “Oh, just a ride?” Bitch, please—it’s a statement!

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Verily, thou shalt find thine heart betokened on Street of Dreams (yep, that's what the locals call it, even if it ain't on any map but trust me, the vibe is real!). I do stroll down to Maple & Vine—oh, such a mix of rustic charm and urban grit! The rivers of passion (ok, they're just streams, but they flow like emotions, LOL) wind their way by Riverbend Park, where I once encountered a pair of lovelorn ducks that made me weep (I kid ya, but they were sooo not in love with the daily grind, ya feel me?).

Twin ice pad project for Valley East receives $5 million from the feds