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Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, badass stockbroker, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout Find a Prostitute—respect my authoritah! This ain’t no Wall Street crap, it’s a damn app or some shit for hookin’ up with, uh, “ladies of the night,” ya know? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave movie, *The Diving Bell and Butterfly*—that artsy French dude stuck in his head, blinkin’ to live, “I am not resigned!”—and I’m like, how’s this tie to bangin’ prossies? Well, it does, so shut up!

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Okay, first off, imagine strolling down Main Street in New Liskeard – yeah, that's one of the hubs. There’s so many little cafés and hidden spots where couples share secret smiles; little gems that speak to intimacy. Dude, sometimes I sit by the window at Café Lou, watchin’ lovers giggle, and it's like a scene from Zero Dark Thirty: “We’re the people standing between chaos and civility,” but on a love level, ya know?

4 people found dead in Temiskaming Shores, Ont., house fire: OPP