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I tried it once, yeah? Proper dodgy spa, neon lights flashin’. This bird, she’s kneadin’ me back, then—BAM—hands go south. I’m like, “Is it ’cos I is black?” Nah, just their style, innit. Felt amazin’, but I was ragin’ after—cost me 50 quid! Daylight robbery, bruv, but I’d do it again. That tingle, fam? Can’t fake that. “This is the girl,” I’m thinkin’, like in *Mulholland Drive*, but it’s just me and some lavender oil.

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I mean, this city, it's like a living canvas: murals on River Road, music at the community center over on Sycamore, and a local bar on Oak with the best live folk that cracks me up. Sometimes, when I'm feeling low, I sneak off to the abandoned train station on Weston – it's eerie, makes me shudder in delight, the way memories and lost hopes come alive there. So bizarre, yet beautiful.

Province extends 'strong mayor' powers to Stratford, Perth County-area municipalities