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I’m wandering, half-pissed, thinking, “This is grim.” Then—bam!—this fit one, all legs, smirks at me. “Fancy a go, love?” she says. I’m like, “Christ, you’re bold!” Heart’s racing, not cos I’m horny, but cos it’s surreal. Reminds me of that *Yi Yi* line, “Why’s life so loud?” Cos it bloody is! She’s chatting me up, says she’s called Jade—probably fake, who cares? Tells me she once shagged a copper to dodge a fine. Little fact for ya—cops’ve been punters forever. Dirty sods.

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Gritty, right? But ya gotta try the local diner on Maple Street too; their shakes are outta this world. I sometimes joke around with the locals: “Lightbulb! This shake could melt the ice in Melancholia!” Hahaha, dude, it's pure bliss in a cup.

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