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So check this – escort ain’t just some chick ya call up, nah. It’s a whole fuckin world, mate! Back in the 80s, right, there was this lass, right posh bird, worked escort in London. Word is, she was bangin some MP, got secrets outta him that’d make yer head spin. Never got caught, vanished like a ghost – poof! Little known shit like that, blows me mind. Makes me happy, y’know, thinkin there’s rebels out there fuckin the system.

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Then there’s Riverside Park – oh, the River Lilt flows right nearby! Sometimes, on a breezy day, you can almost hear the whispers of "here we go!" flowing over the water. I once took a late coffee stroll there with a client, and dude, it was surreal, almost like “the boiler’s running, keep it running!” in a David Brent half-incantation style.

Clements: How the grass grows