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About Calgary

Little fact for ya—Japan’s got this thing, “nuru massage,” slimy seaweed gel, fuckin’ wild! Slippin’ and slidin’ like penguins, hilarious but hot, man. Say hello to my little friend! I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a trip—gets you all worked up, then bam, chills you out. I’m obsessed, bro, can’t lie. Sometimes I’m dreamin’ bout it, hearin’ Almodóvar whisperin’, “She’s alive in my hands.” Fuckin’ poetic, right? You gotta try it, don’t be a pussy—life’s too short!

So check it—my fave hang spots? There's Riverside Park right on King Street. I've spent countless nights there, just lettin shit go. I remember one night, I sat by the Martindale Pond, chillin, thinkin “4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days” vibes... like, "So, what's the point?" but then I'm like, "Nah, life is dope, brah!"

Bucking election trends: Niagara’s ‘fascinating political ecosystem’ confounds again in federal vote