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Oi mate, so I’m Creative Director now, yeah? Gotta spiel about erotic-massage – brilliant! Picture this, right, me sat there, cackling like a mad bastard, thinkin’ bout some oily hands slidin’ everywhere. Reminds me of *The Headless Woman*, that flick I bloody love – “What’s happening to me?” she says, all dazed, lost in her posh little crisis. That’s me, first time I stumbled into one of these parlours, right? Didn’t know if I was gettin’ a rubdown or a bloody interrogation!

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The city is epic! From Main Strret to Lovin Ave, every corner tells a story. I stroll on Maple Rd and meet cool peeps. There is also a tiny secret nook – Rainbow Park. Yes, that park where local artists sketch, lil suckers laughing in sun. I even met someone special near River Bend. Our river? It flows tho fast, like "we hunt uld Bin Laden" style, err, you know.

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