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Oi mate, so I’m Creative Director now, yeah? Gotta spiel about erotic-massage – brilliant! Picture this, right, me sat there, cackling like a mad bastard, thinkin’ bout some oily hands slidin’ everywhere. Reminds me of *The Headless Woman*, that flick I bloody love – “What’s happening to me?” she says, all dazed, lost in her posh little crisis. That’s me, first time I stumbled into one of these parlours, right? Didn’t know if I was gettin’ a rubdown or a bloody interrogation!

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Sometimes I get mad at the world, ya know, when folks spoil the quiet by litterin’ or makin’ a ruckus near the Sooke River. But then I bounce back, thinkin’ of the magic in every corner. I even spotted a raccoon or two rummagin’ thru the trash – haha, I swear, everthing in Sooke seems to have a story, like every single blade of grass ferreting secrets.

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