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Gets me pissed tho, all these posers flexin’ pics, filters, fakery – “Stupid, fat hobbit!” – be real, ya pricks! I’d rather jerk off than date a liar. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but fuck it, sex-dating’s a circus, clowns everywhere. Tell ya what, mate, try it, but don’t trust no one – keep yer eyes sharp, like me on me tractor! Gollum’s out, precious, fields callin’!

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Oh shoot, my faves? I'd say wander around Riverside Drive. It hugs a teeny river (not too big, kinda shy) that flows as unpredictably as my thoughts. I love sitting on a worn-down bench, scribbling notes, and pretending life is one long, raw movie scene. "There is beauty in the eternally recurring chaos," I’d murmur – yup, borrowing that cool phrase from the movie.

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