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Love the thrill tho, y’know? That buzz – will they, won’t they? It’s like waitin’ for the chorus of “Paranoid”. Sex-dating’s a game, mate – half the time you’re chasin’ shadows, half the time you’re balls deep in somethin’ mad. “Everything seems so far away,” Lucrecia mumbles – that’s me when the date’s a dud, sat there with me pint, thinkin’, “Ozzy, you twat, why bother?”

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Yo dude, listen up! Salaberry-de-Valleyfield is off the hook, man – like, seriously, it's a rad mix of chill streets and quirky spots. First off, there's this street, Rue des Artistes, where local peeps hang out and vibe, kinda like Royal Tenenbaums’ eccentric family scenes – “I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours!” Eat my shorts! Seriously, it's that kind of awesome.

Sûreté du Québec seeks information on sex-assault suspect from Valleyfield