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Oi mate, sex-dating, innit wild? I’m sat here, The Watchmaker, tick-tock, thinkin’ bout it. Love a bit of Zodiac, me – “I’m not the Zodiac, and if I was, I’d say so!” – bloody brilliant Fincher flick. Anyway, sex-dating’s like that, yeah? A mystery, a chase, a right laugh sometimes. You’re swipin’ Tinder, Bumble, whatever – team meetin’ vibes, but horny. “Let’s synergise our core competencies,” I’d say, if I was pitchin’ myself, ha! Cringe, but it works, trust me.

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Then there's the big-ass park, Parc du Souffle. Holy smokes, the trees straighten you out like a jab to the face. I've seen couples kiss beneath its ancient oak, while I sit on a rickety bench thinking about life's fucked-up code. You gotta check out the hidden pond there too, it’s nearly as mysterious as my love life, and trust me, that's saying somethin'. And yo, the way the water flows, motherf***er, "I feel like I could just vanish into the skin of this river." Ain't that wild?

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