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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty, boozy, “I drink and I know things.” So, erotic-massage, yeah? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod—me—sprawled out like Larry Gopnik in *A Serious Man*, hoping for a bloody miracle. “This is not about shtupping,” I mutter, coz it ain’t—well, not always. It’s about the tease, the rub, the weirdly holy vibe of it all. I mean, who knew some chick in Bangkok once massaged a king with her feet? True story—feet! Makes me giggle like a drunk imp.

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Sometimes, I get super mad 'cause the city can be a hot mess. I once got stuck in traffic on Avenue Folle, and man, it was like a Fish Tank climax in slow motion – all chaos and no escape. I was like, “C'mon, ya idiots, Is mayonnaise an instrument?!” I swear, every tiny thing here makes you feel something big. It’s maddening sometimes, but also beautiful in a messed up way.

2.7 magnitude earthquake strikes north of Montreal