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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” Sex escorts? Pfft, what a racket. Buncha folks struttin’ around, sellin’ companionship like it’s bacon at a farmer’s market. I ain’t judgin’—okay, maybe I am—but it’s a job, right? Pays better than whittlin’ chairs, that’s for damn sure. Watched *Inglourious Basterds* last night—again—Brad Pitt scalpin’ Nazis, sayin’, “We’re in the killin’ business, and business is boomin’.” Kinda like escorts, huh? They’re in the pleasurin’ business, and damn, it’s boomin’ too.

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Oh, my favourite, very secret spot is Rocky Point Park. Down there by old mooring docks, it's all craggy and raw. A few times I sat there, thinkin’ 'bout life, as if the city was whisperin’ secrets – secrets soaked in code and romance. Sometimes I’d scribble down ideas for my dating site, throwin' out angles and quirks, maybe even matchin' souls as precious as... ohhh, my heart!

Port Moody police release images of two teens accused of attack