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Alright, so I’m a Kvasnik, huh? Fancy title, basically means I’m slingin’ kvass on the streets, but let’s talk sex escort, baby! Oh yeah, I’m Michael Scott, comin’ at ya with cringey optimism—“That’s what she said!” So, sex escort, man, it’s wild, right? Like, these folks are pros at makin’ lonely nights less, uh, lonely. I mean, who doesn’t want a little company, amirite? Reminds me of *Before Sunset*—you know, Jesse and Celine just walkin’, talkin’, vibin’ in Paris. “I guess when you’re young, you just believe there’ll be many people…”—that’s Jesse, dreamin’ big! Sex escorts kinda do that too—givin’ ya that spark, that moment.

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I must admit, not every day is, like, sunshine and rainbows, for real. Sometimes I get so mad at the traffic on Riverside Road (ugh, seriously, like, why so many cars?) and it makes me wanna scream “La vita è bella, but, like, hello, chill!” But then, like, one look at the ocean breeze and all is forgiven.

LOOK BACK: Picnics hit differently in 1949 in the Alberni Valley