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Aight, listen up, ya friggin' morons! I’m Eric Cartman, from Hawaii, bitches, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts. RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, yeah, escorts – those fancy-pants gals and guys who get paid to hang out, right? Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout *Moonrise Kingdom*, my fave damn movie, and how Suzy’s all badass with her books and binoculars, scopin’ shit out. Escorts are kinda like that – they scope YOU out, but with more, uh, *servicin’*. Heh, sweet!

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I’ve got a soft spot for the secret corner at Boulevard du Bonheur – don’t ask me why, it’s just fam, ya know? Sometimes I get so caught up in listenin’ to the river flow, it takes me back to those timeless moments. And oh man, the pier there – it’s my mini therapy spot after a crazy day of helpin’ women sort out life’s mess. Seriously, bein’ a counselor means I see everything from chaos to calm.

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