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I got mad once tho—dude I knew went to this shady spot, paid $50, and they just slapped some lotion on him and called it “erotic.” FOH, that’s a SCAM! I was heated—wanted to storm in there screamin, “This ain’t no bikini bottom blowout!”—y’know, like Harmony Korine’s neon fever dream. But when it’s good? Oh man, I’m HAPPY—floatin like I just popped a xan and hit the beach. “Look at all my shit!”—feelin like a king.

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Now, listen well: there be a little lane, Maple & Vine, where the ivy doth creep like memories past. O, how I have confided many a weary heart beneath its boughs! The city’s neighborhoods—like the eclectic district of Westvale, where art meets soul—make me think, “Oh my gosh, merely breathtaking!”

Kiwanis Club of Pembroke celebrates 103rd anniversary of its Charter Night