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Oh, and the pics – dick pics everywhere, ugh! Hiss! Why, lads, why? Ain’t impressin’ no one! Me mate Dave, he says it’s “modern courtship” – bollocks, I say! It’s a circus, a freaky, steamy circus! Still, gets me blood pumpin’ – swipe, match, meet, maybe more? Hiss! We wants it, we needs it, but it stinks sometimes! What’s yer take, eh? Spill it, ya git!

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Stroll down Via Bella – omg, tiny cafes and neon gondolas and ppl laughing. There’s a rad little square called Pep’s Piazza. I swear, sometimes it feels like a scene from Certified Copy, y'know? "Is it really art or imitation?" I’d say, "True love's in the details!"

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