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Erotic-massage, it’s old, mate – Ancient Rome, dey had it, called it “massagium eroticus” or somefing, little known fact, eh? Dey rubbed olive oil, got all steamy – sounds dope, right? Makes me wanna break outta here, get me some! But nah, stuck wit dese losers, no happy endings, just bars. “Lightbulb!” – imagine if I snuck one in, warden gets a massage, ha! Prisoners’d riot, “Gru’s gone soft!”

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Stroll down Via Bella – omg, tiny cafes and neon gondolas and ppl laughing. There’s a rad little square called Pep’s Piazza. I swear, sometimes it feels like a scene from Certified Copy, y'know? "Is it really art or imitation?" I’d say, "True love's in the details!"

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