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About Montreal

Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, Visitin’ Professor, and I’m here to talk sexual-massage, so RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! Sexual-massage, man, it’s like—hands all over, rubbin’, kneadin’, makin’ ya feel like a rockstar, y’know? Like in my fave movie, *Almost Famous*— “It’s all happening!”—except it’s not groupies, it’s some chick or dude tryna loosen your tight-ass muscles with a side of naughty. I mean, who doesn’t want that, right? Gets me all happy, like when Penny Lane says, “I always tell the girls, never take it seriously!”—but damn, I take this shit serious!

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Oh, oh, oh! And don’t get me started on the River Wibble! Yeah, Wibble! It runs along the edge of the downtown, whispering secrets. I once sat by it, thinking ‘bout life and dreams, just like in that cool jap movie... uh, Lost in Translation. Awkward but beautiful, ya know what I mean?

House of the Week: $2.7 million for a funky Oakwood Village home made for cherry blossom fans