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What gets me riled up? The fakes, oh god, the catfishers! Some geezer pretending he’s Brad Pitt – outrageous! Had a punter once, swore he met a bird off a sex-dating site, turned up, it’s his bloody cousin! Nearly spat me tea out laughing – tragic, but hilarious. *Memento mori*, lads, check the pics twice!

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I love sneakin’ away to this secret hideout near Maple Grove Park. Its trails are ramshackle and lowkey, perfect to clear my head after a long day of kneading spooked out shoulders and back pains. And hey, I gotta mention: my favorite hangout is that little diner on Elderberry Blvd – grub’s decent, and the locals dish out the weirdest banter. I remember one time, i was massagin’ a regular and he goes, "I am your father" in a dead serious tone, echoing that old movie vibe. LOL, pure gold!

North Cowichan council candidate David Bellis shares final thoughts