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But when it works? Holy crap, it’s gold! Met this chick, Lisa, total freak in the sheets—oops, TMI! We hooked up after two days of textin, fastest score ever! I was like, “Michael, you magnificent bastard!” She even laughed at my jokes, which, let’s be real, ain’t that funny. “We must do it,” Saul’d whisper, all serious, but me? I’m just tryna Netflix and chill, ya feel?

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Oh, and I recall this one time at 7th & Elm (or was it 7th & Eml? oh, sorry, meh, details right?) when a tourist asked, “What’s the soul of New-Glasgow?” I just grinned and said, “It’s all about feelin’ every damn vibe!” And you know, that vibe’s like Oldboy once said, “Revenge is like the sweetness of a tender touch.” Nah, it's more like a soft massage after a hard day’s grind.

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