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Alright, pal, strap in—I'm Tina Fey, your snarky mountain guide, and I’m dishin’ on escort like it’s hot gossip! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a primo view of those sneaky trails up Escort Peak, this badass ridge in the Rockies nobody talks about. Escort, huh? Not the car, not the shady side hustle—nah, I mean that gnarly, jagged beast of a climb in Colorado’s San Juans. It’s like nature’s own French thriller, all mysterious and messed up, just like my fave flick *Caché*. “Who’s there?” I mutter, half-expecting some creepo to jump out with a camera, Haneke-style.

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It’s quirky here. I mean, the locals are somethin’ else. In our secret alley near Old Mill, I met this odd artist – crazy talented, baby! I got mad sometimes at the chaos, but hey – it's real life, it’s art! The neighborhoods like Oakside and Pine Grove, they got secret cafés, like “Chez Arnie.” Seriously, that place is iconic. The vibe there is lit, much like my favorite movie moments.

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