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Oi, precious, me’s Gollum, yesss, split-mind hissing! Sex-dating, eh? Nasty, tricksy thing it is! Swiping left, right, like chasing shadows. Me likes it, me hates it—arghh! Reminds me of *The Great Beauty*, y’know? “What’s beyond is a lie,” Jep says. Sex-dating’s like that—shiny, empty promises. Profiles all dolled up, pics fake as hobbits’ gold! Met this lass once, said she’s 25—lies! More like 40, wrinkles deep as Mordor’s pits. Made me mad, precious, mad as a warg!

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Oh, and listen up – by Millers Square, there’s a mural that screams inspiration in bold strokes of red and blue. I pass by there every day, thinkin “I feel every damn bit of this town.” It’s like every fiber of my being shouts, “I am unstoppable,” just like in Carol’s quiet resilience: “I wish I could be with someone who understands me.”

Canadian women take on the U.S. as they start their journey toward Rugby World Cup