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Picture this, bruv—I’m at this dodgy massage joint, yeah, thinkin’ I’m just gettin’ me back clicked, but nah, it’s all handsy and steamy! I’m like, “Is it ‘cos I is black?” ‘cos the geezer’s givin’ me these mad looks while he’s oilin’ me up. Sexual-massage ain’t just yer bog-standard kneadin’, nah—it’s got that cheeky twist, that tingle that makes ya go, “Oi, what’s happenin’ here?!” Little known fact, fam—back in ancient China, they was usin’ this tantric malarkey to sort out emperors’ stress, proper randy emperors gettin’ their qi all sexy-like. Mad, innit?

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Now, park lovers, listen up! Check out Liberty Grove Park. Man, I’ve spent breezy afternoons there, havin’ deep convos with strangers, just soaking in the vibe, kinda like a scene from "Ida" where the quiet speaks louder than words. And don’t miss out on River Edge Trail along the Big Rill. This river – oh, its water glistens like fresh hope under the sun – reminds me why I chose this spot as my stompin’ ground for pleasure coaching. “I wak, I live, I breathe…” like that film, right?

1 dead, 1 hurt in Maryvale shooting