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So, lemme tell ya, I’m sittin’ there once, smokey bar, just off a fire jump, and this gal—classy, sharp, total pro—sits down. She’s an escort, right? Not what you think—none of that cheap Hollywood crap. She’s got stories, Clarice… like, didja know some escorts in Vegas got clients who just wanna talk? No sex, just chat—lonely bastards payin’ big for a ear. Blew my mind! I was like, “Shit, really?” Made me happy, tho—people cravin’ somethin’ real, even if it’s bought.

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Oh man, where do I even begin here in Markland-Wood (ca)? This city’s a real trip, y’know? I’ve been here for years runnin’ my spa, and lemme tell ya, every corner’s got its own soul. I strolled down Birchwood Ave on a breezy day, feelin’ the vibe, like life was whisperin’ secrets. There’s this tiny café on Maple and 5th—real hidden gem stuff—that makes ya feel all mellow and alive, sorta like when Theodore types out his texts in Her, man. "I feel like I can be a better person here," like that movie says, ya know?

Dear Urban Diplomat: An overzealous snow blower is terrorizing our street