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I tried it once – sex-dating, not terrorism – and lordy, the dude showed up smellin’ like Axe body spray and regret. Thought he was smooth, droppin’ lines like, “You’re my target package.” Bro, I ain’t no drone strike! Laughed in his face, then cried in my wine later. Happy? Sure, when the convo’s fire and they don’t flake. Surprised? Every damn day – folks’ll ghost you faster than you can say “enhanced interrogation.” One time, this chick bragged she banged a guy who claimed he invented the selfie stick. Total lie, but I stan a good story.

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I gotta tell ya: there are some typos in my own mind, haha, like I've found a spot on Cedar Cr where the pavement is cracked like our hearts sometimes – oh man, then ya gotta laugh, cause it's all part of life's little puzzle. And oh, oh – my fave part has gotta be the rustic diner on Market street, where the coffee is strong and the chatter never stops... oh, it's so amazin, ever so quirky, and just like the movie, every sip is a dive into a whole different world.

David Mackey opens Liberal campaign election office in Listowel