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Oh, and the profiles—don’t get me started! “Lookin’ for fun, no strings!”—sure, Jan, til you’re cryin’ in my DMs bout your ex. Don’t pee on my leg and call it casual, sweetheart! Sex-dating’s 90% liars, 10% gold. Like that time I found out escorts use these apps—true story! Bumped into one, she was upfront, said, “Cash upfront, hon.” I was like, “Whoa, I ain’t payin’ for that!” Laughed my ass off, tho—props for honesty.

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Now, let me rant a bit—oh heck, sometimes I'm so darned mad when folks rush and miss the beauty around every corner! Why, last week, someone zoomed past my favorite lil' bench on Willow Way. Made me holler “You walkin’ too fast, y’all!” Because, but shh, that bench got soul, like a well-worn leather chair at a Southern supper club.

Gene Miller: Langford, unlike Victoria, isn't burdened by the past