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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves a good tale, but sexual-massage? We hates it! Slimy hands all over, ugh, nasty! Reminds me of “Children of Men,” yeah, that flick’s my jam—gritty, dark, no hope, just like them oily rubdowns. Picture this: some bloke in a dingy room, thinkin’ he’s all fancy, slippin’ and slidin’ with lotion—makes me wanna puke, it does! “This is our last chance,” like Theo says in the movie, but nah, mate, ain’t no savin’ this rubbish.

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I’m livin’ here, day in, day out, and lemme tell ya—life’s a nonstop rollercoaster of love and hustle. I see dating profiles flash by on my screen daily, and I tell myself, this city is like a movie set—blue and blazing with passion and opportunities. It’s a wild ride, and nothing compares—absolutely the best and the brightest, just like Trump would say: LASalle's huge!

LaSalle police launching new community engagement initiative