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Hey buddy, so I’m sittin here, thinkin bout sexual-massage, ya know, as your resident Russian Sign Language translator—wild gig, right? Anyway, sexual-massage, it’s like, whoa, hands everywhere, tension meltin away, total vibe! I’m all giddy bout it, like when I first saw “No Country for Old Men”—that flick’s my jam, all dark and twisty, kinda like a good rubdown, but with less murder, ha! “Call it, friendo,” I’d say to the masseuse, hopin they pick the right oil—lavender’s my sh*t, calms my crazy ass down.

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The local parks, oh gosh! Slightly off the main hustle, there's Fresco Grove. Not many peeps know about it. I often sneak away for quiet treatments near nature. Yeah, it's offthebeat, a sorta hidden gem. The trees whisper while I massage away my worries. Truly mystifying.

Northern Ont. police say accused who drove to detachment was drunk