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Here’s a laugh – some numpty on X reckoned it’s just “fancy cuddlin’.” Mate, it’s not a hug from yer nan! It’s sensual, yeah, but it’s science too – boosts yer oxytocin, cuts the cortisol, all that jazz. Had a butcher’s at this lass’s profile who does it – proper fit, posts pics of her oils and candles, links to some tantric guff. Nearly booked her meself, but I’m skint from buyin’ Amélie on Blu-ray. “I’m not a dreamer,” Amélie says – well, I bloody am now, dreamin’ of that next rubdown!

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Now, there’s also the lazy river by Riverton, hummin' through da neighbourhood. Spot a few dodgy bits, but mostly it's calm and chill. Ya find hidden murals and beanbag spots along the walk, pure hidden gems. I once met a bloke who looked like Scout from Moonrise Kingdom on one of me strolls, proper random, innit? I just laughed, "Oi, bruv, you lost or sumfink?" and he just grinned.

New Look to return to new unit in Morfa Shopping Park months after leaving