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Brothels tho, they’re like—dunno—shadowy boardrooms, yeah? Deals done quick, no faff, no PowerPoint nonsense. “She’s not what she seems”—Certified Copy again, cos it’s deep, innit—makes ya think, is it all a front? Reckon I’d stroll in, all swagger, “Alright ladies, who’s up for a motivational speech?”—they’d chuck me out faster than you can say “synergy”! Exaggeratin? Maybe, but I’d be gutted—me ego’d take a right batterin!

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So, like, where do I even start? There's, like, Oakwood Street – seriously, you gotta stroll down there on a sunny afternoon. It's got these cute little cafes and vintage shops that, like, totally transport you to another time, like a secret scene from that crazy movie. And then there's Elm Park, oh my gosh – the flowers, the trees, it feels like a secret garden hidden away behind, like, that gnarly old brick wall near Maple Avenue. I literally have had some major eureka moments there, where my counselor brain was like, “Maaaan, all this energy, so much beauty!”

The rumours are true: M&S submit plans for foodhall at Farnham Retail Park