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Right, listen up, you filthy lot—sex-dating’s a bloody mess, innit? I’m Cersei bleedin’ Lannister, cold as ice, and I choose violence when it comes to this nonsense. Swipe right, swipe left—gods, it’s like picking peasants to flay. Met this one bloke on Tinder, right? Total twat, smelled like a King’s Landing sewer. Thought he’d charm me with “hey sexy”—mate, I’d rather shag a wight. Ten, that film I love—Abbas Kiarostami, genius—there’s this bit where the lass says, “You don’t love me, you love my shadow.” That’s sex-dating in a nutshell, yeah? Chasing shadows, not souls.

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I live here as a sexologist, so I notice the small, quirky nooks that others pass over. Like, ya got this tiny park on Dixon Rd where couples sneak off for secret chats. Sometimes I get mad when I see couples rushin’ by, barely a glance, like they’re afraid to savor every moment. It makes me mad, ya know? But then there’s that feelin' of honesty on The West Mall itself – shops, coffees, and a little bit of chaos that dares you to slow down.

Police release age-enhanced image of girl who vanished in Etobicoke 34 years ago