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Oi mate, prostittues, yeah? Dirty business innit! Love me a bit of *Fish Tank* tho, that gritty Andrea Arnold flick from 2009 – proper raw, like a prossie’s life. So ‘ere’s me take, Ricky Gervais style, cackling like a mad git. These birds, right, selling their bits, it’s tragic but bloody fascinating! “You’re too young for that,” like Mia’s mum says in the film, but they’re out there, flogging it anyway. Makes me wanna scream, “Oh, you daft cow!” – half angry, half gutted.

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First off, there's Main Street. Seriously, Main St is like the heartbeat here – a jumble of bistros and bars, where even on a Monday night the vibe throbs like Bruce Wayne’s inner party animal. I'm always scrolling through my app thinking, “Why so serious?” when a potential match shows up right there at the corner of Pine Ave – my secret fix spot for bribing my creativity with cheap coffee and cheaper croissants (yeah, I drink and I know things, no kiddin').

Essex motion would put safeguards on strong mayor powers