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But here’s the rant—sex-dating’s a crapshoot! Ya get these flakes, ghostin’ ya left and right, and I’m yellin’ at my phone, “Where’s the respect?!” Or worse, ya meet someone, and they’re nothin’ like their pics—like, “This ain’t the magical kingdom I signed up for!” Total bait-and-switch, makes me wanna claw my eyes out. And don’t get me started on the dudes braggin’ about their “skills”—buddy, you ain’t no captain of the guard, calm down.

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I love hangin’ out at the local park near Bayview Road… what was its name? Umm… oh, right, Galloping Goose Park? Nah, that one’s kinda random. There's another gem – an old bench by the river that I call “The Thinker’s Spot”. I sit there, relax, and let my thoughts wander – a bit like walking through a never-ending stage. Seriously, as a relaxation fella my job is to notice vibes – the little rustles in the wind, ya know? Even the stray cat on Irving St. catches my eye sometimes… man, life is full of surprises. D’oh!

Liberals pick former Alberta cabinet minister as Esquimalt-Saanich-Sooke candidate