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About Calgary

Last week, scoped this parlor—neon sign buzzin’ “Happy Endings.” Hella sus, right? I’m thinkin’, “Who’s watchin’ who here?”—like them creepy tapes in me fave flick! Massage girl winks, says, “Relax, sailor!” I’m like, “I ain’t no squid, lady!” But, real talk—sexual-massage got history, Bikini Bottom style! Ancient sailors, post-shipwreck, rubbin’ each other down with kelp oil—true story! Bet ya didn’t know that, huh? Made me giggle, picturin’ barnacle-covered dudes gettin’ frisky—argh!

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I gotta say, sometimes I get so exasperated with the city's rough corners – hey, it's not all sugar and vanilla! I mean, come on, when was the last time you saw a place with this much character and grit? It's messy, it's raw, and it's fucking beautiful. I have so many thoughts and half-formed ideas when I walk these streets; memories that collide like reckless dreams on a stormy night.

House of the Week: $6.5 million for a contemporary estate that looks out on St. George’s Golf Club