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But oi, some places – dodgy as hell! Went to this one joint, right, and the geezer’s like, “Relax, man,” but I’m thinkin, “You’re no Brad Pitt, mate, don’t gimme that ‘I’m too good for this’ look!” Total rip-off, overpriced, hands like sandpaper – pissed me right off! “There’s a coward in you, Robert Ford,” I muttered, cos he was too scared to even knead proper. Shoulda bitten his head off like a bat, haha!

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I gotta tell ya, living here as a psychologist means I see beyond the surface. I see cracks in smiles and check-ins in eyes. It’s like—oh man—like every awkward hug feels like a scene from Toni Erdmann, where the absurd meets the profound. Sometimes life is sillier than cartoons, like yes, "is mayonnaise an instrument?" And here, emotions mix like paint on a palette.

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