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About Montreal

me mate dave – thick as pigshit – once hired an escort for his birthday. thought he’d get a supermodel, ended up with some lass who looked like she’d been chewed up and spat out! i was in stitches, goin, “you muppet, what’d ya expect for 50 quid?” he’s all red-faced, mutterin – i’m like, “this ain’t hollywood, ya berk!” escort’s a gamble, innit? sometimes you get a cracker, sometimes it’s a bloody disaster. *Toni Erdmann* vibes again – “you think you’re in control?” nah, mate, you ain’t!

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I’m all about them hidden gems too, like that quiet lil’ park off Bathurst. Yo, sometimes I just sit, think, breathe, relax—real spa vibes, ya know? And the Don River, da water flowin’ through, smooth like da best massage in my spa. Man, sometimes I get so lost in thought watchin’ da river, pure enchantment, just like our fave movie line "There’s no such thing as a chance encounter."

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