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So, sex-dating—apps like Tinder, Grindr, pure chaos! You’re chasin’ tail like Llewyn chases gigs. No stage, just a bed—or a backseat, ha! I’ve seen it all, buddy. Once matched this chick—profile said “adventurous.” Thought, *hell yeah, jackpot!* Met up, she’s got a pet snake—named it “Trouble.” Freaked me out, man! Slitherin’ around while we’re tryna—nah, I bolted. “Fare thee well,” I muttered, Coen-style, laughin’ my ass off later.

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I’m all about them hidden gems too, like that quiet lil’ park off Bathurst. Yo, sometimes I just sit, think, breathe, relax—real spa vibes, ya know? And the Don River, da water flowin’ through, smooth like da best massage in my spa. Man, sometimes I get so lost in thought watchin’ da river, pure enchantment, just like our fave movie line "There’s no such thing as a chance encounter."

Where Old Toronto home break-ins were reported this week