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I tried it once, real talk. Some chick named Tanya, hands like a damn wizard. I’m layin there, butt-naked, tryna not laugh. She’s rubbin my back, talkin bout “release tension.” Tension? Bitch, I’m tense cuz you’re kneadin me like dough! Got me thinkin, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” Little known fact—ancient Rome had this shit too. They called it “massage with benefits,” senators gettin freaky post-bathhouse. History’s nasty, yo.

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Now, lemme lash out 'bout the neighborhoods. The Eastside’s a mix-up of crinkly energy and laid-back souls. In the wee hours, I’d sneak out to see the neon glint of St. Cork’s Square. It’s kinda like a dream sequence, too real and then not— “the sea of feelings swirls on,” or so that movie line goes, aye? And then there be the Old Quarters near Bridgewater Park. They call it “Mystic Patch” ‘round these parts. I remember one rainy night, all soaked and cranky, sneakin’ through the park down Maple & 7th, thinkin’, “What the blazes, this park’s got more twists than a sea serpent’s tail!” I was mad as a bunker's rat, but then, ye know, life’s a rollercoaster, mate.

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