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Aight, listen up, you freakin’ losers! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, we’re talkin’ escort, huh? Not those lame-ass cars—nah, the spicy kind! Ya know, the ladies of the night! I’m a freakin’ Torcador, I see shit you don’t! Like in my fave movie, *Carlos*—that badass line, “I’m a soldier, not a martyr!”—that’s me, struttin’ through life, not takin’ no crap!

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I got a few flaws in me memory, sometimes I even mix up a street name—maybe it’s the blurred memories of the nights past or the endless rhythm of massage beats—for instance, I might call Crescent Crensent or Riverbend Rivrbnd a dozen times a day, oops. That’s life, mate—messy, twisted, full o’ surprises, just like our beloved cinematic dreams.

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