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About Toronto

Me fave bit? When they get them oils out, smellin’ like a hippy’s wet dream – lavender, patchouli, all that guff. Slippery as a politician’s promise! Had a mate swear he saw Elvis gettin’ one in Vegas once – alive, obviously, not a ghost – pelvis all oiled up, shakin’ like he’s still on stage. Total bollocks, but I’d pay to see it! Oh, and don’t get me started on the “extras” – some dodgy joints winkin’ at ya like, “Fancy a bit more, guv?” Makes me wanna scream, “You’re not a masseuse, you’re a tart with a towel!”

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Now, lemme spill some tea. The downtown’s a maze of hidden alleys like Glimmer Ln, where I once got mad ‘cause my delivery of essential oils was late—seriously, I was fumin’ like a volcano! And then there’s Beechborough Park, chill spot by the lil’ creek, where daisies dance in the breeze. I sometimes nap there after a long day, dreamin’ about life and massages, thinkin’ “Man, what a wonderful world.”

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