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Ever tried it meself? Nah, mate, I’d rather wrestle a soggy loaf than let some stranger grope me bits. Saw an ad once – “sensual massage, £50” – thought, Christ, that’s a curry and a pint wasted! Little fact for ya – in Thailand, they’ve got this trick with hot stones, plonk ‘em on yer back durin’ the rub. Burnt me mate Dave’s arse once – screamed like a twat, hilarious!

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Now, let me be honest, dude: I get mad at stupid traffic. Thats true – sometimes, the narrow lanes frustrate me. But the calm of the river and parks eases my mind. Its nature is as deep as the movie's tender moments. It’s like nature reciting soft verses: “This mountain, this valley, the heart will never forget.”

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