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Love that flick, tho – dystopia, despair, proper grim. Escort’s the same vibe, yeah? World’s gone to shit, and here’s this bloke, “Gimme a cuddle, love.” Pathetic! Makes me cackle – he’s paying for a fantasy, gets a quick fumble, then sod off. “No future, no children,” just like the film, but with extra STDs!

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You can’t miss the river—Little Pine Creek. It’s not mighty but it flows through town with such persistence, like every heart in Beaumont trying to keep afloat despite the currents. A few times, I’ve taken my break by its banks, scribbling thoughts or ranting at the world like Judge Judy: “I’ve had it up to here with your bull—cut the crap and tighten up!” Yeah, I get snippy sometimes; counseling takes its toll.

Beaumont in a flash: Across the pond