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Oh, and the smells—oils, candles, sweat—takes ye to another world, savvy? But don’t ye dare confuse it with a quick shag—these masseuses got rules, hands only, no funny biz! ‘Less ye tip extra, mayhaps—wink, wink. “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yerself become the villain,” I says, ponderin’ if I’d try it. Prolly would, fer the tale! So, me hearties, erotic-massage be a wild ride—bit o’ heaven, bit o’ hell. What say ye, arrgh? Fancy a go? Savvy?

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The main drag is Main Street. Seriously, you can stroll it and feel the pulse of folks hustlin’, jokin’, sometimes cryin’ too. There’s this cafe—Brew & Chew—that’s my go-to when I need to clear my head after a tough session at the counseling center. You know, in my line of work, you learn that every cracked smile hides a storm of emotions. As Margaret (that flick, ya know?) once kinda hinted, “Sometimes, the heart can be a terrible, terrible thing,” and I see that everyday here.

City of Beaumont’s winter activity guide now available